


The ships that Kuroko ships (Kuroko's matchmaking skills)

by kaworusdickadick



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, Kuroko Tetsuya is a Little Shit, Kuroko is a pervert, M/M, i update this every now and then, kise is gay, knb chatroom, kuroko is a matchmaker, some really famous knb ships clash, takao is thirsty for midorima's nuts, wingmen himuro and kise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-06-28 00:33:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15696543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaworusdickadick/pseuds/kaworusdickadick
Summary: Kuroko: hey yes i broke the 4th wall but um please someone exorcise akashi-kun thanks bye





	1. How did we get here?

Kuroko: What do you call a seme on a table?

Kuroko: A tabletop

Kise: Umm,Kuroko-cchi are you okay???

Momoi: Tetsu-kun daijobu?

Aomine: tetsu tf

Murasakibara: kurochin ru okay

Midorima: Type properly-nodayo

Midorima: And what's wrong kuroko?

Takao: O00hh Shin-chan is worried

Akashi: I am indeed quite curious.

Akashi: Tetsuya you are acting a bit...out of character today

Furihata:A-Are you ok-okay Ku-kuroko-kun?

Kagami: So like kuroko is doing the gap moe thing?

Takao: Did everyone just ignore me

Himuro: Don't go bringing anime references that easily,taiga

Kagami: yeah shit you right bro

Takao: fuck you guys im out

Takao: ...

Takao: No support..no "dont go takao!"

Midorima: Shut up,Takao

Takao:ADDAFAGAHBSN SHIN-CHAN I LOVE IT WHEN YOU'RE ROUGH

Kagami: I'm just gonna ignore that

Aomine: lol bakagami s being a smartgami

Kagami: THAT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE AHO

Murasakibara: this is why captain-chin left us

Kise: Murasakibara-cchi is right!!!

Kise: I think..

Kise:WHAT IM SAYING IS!!!GUYS!!OUR LOVELY KUROKOCCHI IS ACTING WEIRD!!!

Himuro: Omg Kise said something relevant

Kise: WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

Takao:Ok guys,relax all we have to do is solve this problem

Momoi: Right!

Takao: Shin-chan cockblocks himself,and i dont know what to do

Momoi:I SWEAR TO GOD 

Momoi:YOU GUYS ARE THE REASON IM A LESBIAN

Aomine:Chill out there miss thisty for riko's "balls"

Kagami:Why would you say that

Aomine:oh "balls" means small titty bazoongas

Murasakibara:murochin help

Himuro:Right.Okay!Kuroko has been replaced with one of taiga's oc

Himuro:This is Kuroko meme!au! in which kuroko does some "naughty" things to taiga

Kagami:TATSUYSAISWAERYOGOD

Akashi:I suggest that all of you stop talking before you become compost for my gardener's plants

Akashi:Also Daiki,calm your lover

Furihata:S-sei..U-um should i sh-shut up t-too?

Akashi:Ofcourse not Kouki,you are an angel and WE are all blessed by your pressence.

Furihata:S-sei!S-stop th-that..Cause we both know you're the b-best one h-here

Aomine:someone is getting laid tonight

Akashi:...

Akashi:Daiki,look outside your window.

Aomine:HOLY SHIT WHY ARE YOU OUTSIDE MY HOUSE AND DO YOU PHOTOS OF TAIGA IN A MAID DRESS GIVE THEM TO ME DUDE

Akashi:For your information,i am currently burning them

Aomine:NSHSHISJI I HATE THIS FUCKING FAMILY

Midorima: Anyways.

Kise:Back to Kuroko-cchi!!!

Kagami:Right.Kuroko are you okay?

Kuroko:Oh i am great kagami-kun

Kuroko:Just as great as aomine-kun when he is watching you bend over to fetch a waterbottle

Kuroko:You know,after practise,

Kuroko:All sweaty and panting..amiright aomine-kun

Takao:Since when is this a 90's porno

Aomine:IS IT BULLY AOMINE DAY AJYSAGJS

Momoi:Ignoring daichan's idioticness

Kise:Agreed Momo-cchi!

Murasakibara:kurochin became a perv

Himuro: Don't say that Atsushi!

Himuro: I'm sure kuroko-kun is just...having a hard time 

Kuroko:As hard as Murasakibara-kun when you sexily lick a snack saying AND I QUOTE

Kuroko:"I love your umaiubo the most Atsushi!It's so good"

Murasakibara:KUROCHINITHOUGHTWEWEWEREFRIENDSSDHURHFJK

Himuro:// // i amda-dwOkahuae3u

Takao:Wow

Midorima:That escalated quickly

Takao: IKNEW IT SHINCHAN LIKES MEMES SHINCHAN MARRY ME ALREADY 

Midorima: i was just stating my opinion and then you had to ruin it

Kuroko:Oh, excuse me midorima-kun but don't you mean

Kuroko:"You just had to be thirsty for my dick again"

Takao: I feel threatened by a fucking blueberry

Midorima:KUROKOKEJD

Takao:Aaandd Shin-chan broke

Akashi:You all need to take things calmly

Furihata:S-Sei is r-right!

Kuroko:Oh well fuck you akashi-kun but when you throw kouki on your private plane "calmly" to punish him

Kuroko:I don't complain

Furihata:K-kurokokunpleasenoo

Akashi:Kurokoa;;s I mean TeTsuya you akw

\----Akashi--left the chatroom----

Midorima:Now that that's done-

Akashi:Wait,i'm taking my lovely wife with me

Furihata:w-wait s-sei

\----Akashi--Furihata--left the chatroom----

Himuro:OMG HELL JUST BROKE LOOSE

Kagami:This just comin in 

Kagami:Satan with a yellow contact just stuttered

Kuroko:No,no kagami-kun

Kuroko:You can't just say suggestive things like "this just comin in" around aomine-kun

Kuroko:Who knows when you'll be groped by those sexy tanned hands

Kuroko:Right..Kagami-kun?

Kagami:Im out goodnight

Aomine:BAKAGAMI DONT LEAVE ME WITH AN ANGRY BONER HELP

\----Aomine--Kagami--left the chatroom----

Kuroko:I bet 1000 yen they fucked

Kuroko:Anyone?

Takao:I'm still processing

Kuroko:Oh i get it

Kuroko:You are still at the part where i said about midorima-kun's "carrot"

Takao:gwyduBYE IM GONNA GO EAT AND DIE

Kuroko: I would suggest watching some rip vine compilations and trying to deepthroat a broccoli before you ask midorima-kun out

Takao: KSIAS I WILL ACtually go do that thanks dude 

\----Takao--left the chatroom----

Midorima:Now that my troublemaker is gone will proceed-

Himuro:im back after dying but are we really gonna ignore the fact that midorima just called takao-kun "his"

Midorima:OK NOT DOING THIS AGAIN BUE I WASNEVERHERE

\--Midorima--left the chatroom----

Kuroko:I just developed many positive feelings towards Himuro-san

Himuro:J-Just n-now

Kise:You guys are so mean-ssu!!

Kuroko:I'm not sure that's the correct term to use since that's the word you use when kasamatsu-san hits you

Kuroko:And im'sure that something really.."private" happens between you two when you say that

Kise:KUROKOCCHI I LOVED YOU

Kuroko:Well,love ages just like kisekasa fanfics

Kise:KUROKOCCHIAN SHWKIND IAM GOANA CRY

\----Kise--left the chatroom---- 

Momoi:I have the most wow face i have ever made

Kuroko:Oh no sweetie

Kuroko:Don't lie

Kuroko:When you were teasing coach about her breast size,it was pretty noticably obvious that you were the one flustered

Momoi: I refuse to be called out like this

Himuro:That's right momoi-san!

Himuro:The only way to defeat kuroko is to stay togeth-

Momoi:so im gonna leaveBYE

\----Momoi--left the chatroom----

Murasakibara:murochin what happened

Himuro:Sh-she's gone

Kuroko:Just like your heterosexuality and murasakibara-kun's only aknowledge of women after day 1 at yosen?

Murasakibara:KuR0ChIN HiNEri CHuBUSio

Kuroko:Just like you "crush" your sweet "murochin" after your senpais get to close to him?

Murasakibara:kurOCHINNNNNNNNNNDSJHAGYEDIUOIPO0W9EUIOH

Himuro:Atsushi!Don't give in!We can do this if we try!

Kuroko:Well your tries at being better than kagami-kun failed sooo..

Kuroko:waIT NO IM SOR-

Himuro:Wow you went there

Kuroko:IM SO SORRY I WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE A DIRTY JOKE HER BUT

\----Himuro--left the chatroom----

Murasakibara:You

Murasakibara:Hurt

Murasakibara:My Muro-chin

Kuroko:Yeah i did but..

Kuroko:Who's gonna take care of making sure he's all satisfied and confident(and maybe full of something white and sticky)?

Murasakibara:I will hurt you physically

Kuroko:This purple giant ^

Murasakibara:wait

Murasakibara:oh

Murasakibara:// // thanks kurochin

\----Murasakibara--left the chatroom----

Kuroko:oooff now wasn't all this matchmaking tiring?

Kuroko:im alone aren't i?

Kuroko:ok ill just..bye

\----Kuroko--left the chatroom----


	2. Name calling and akashi kills people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroko: hey yes i broke the 4th wall but um please someone exorcise akashi-kun thanks bye

\----Kuroko--entered the chatroom----

Kuroko: Hello everyone

\----Kagami--Aomine--Akashi--Furihata--Midorima--Takao--Murasakibara--Himuro--Momoi--Kise--entered the chatroom----  
Kagami: why am i here again

Midorima: Hello

Takao: hi

Takao: Um how come no one is talking about kuroko's fanboy fiasco 

Kagami: I don't think that's a good idea

Momoi:Mh?Why Kagamin?

Kagami: yesterday i asked him and it uh

Aomine: get to da point bkagamai

Midorima: Please

Murasakibara:tellus whas wromg kagchin

Midorima:PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Midorima:TEXT FUCKING PROPERLY

Kise:AH!ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ

Kise:Midorimacchi swore!

Akashi:Quite unexpected of you Shintarou.

Aomine: so what?the broccoli swore

Kagami: um ahomine i would recommend spelling properly

Aomine:why?ru scared bakagmi

Midorima:YOU CAN'T EVEN SPELL A NAME YOU MADE UP 

Midorima: YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE

Takao: Grammar nazis man

Kise:Mh?What's that?

Himuro: How oblivious is this guy?

Kise: Well excuse you Tatsuya but at least i'm not a bitch

Momo:w-what

Takao:AHAJSABSBABAJS

Kagami:what just happened?

Aomine: Your pretty brother got roasted

Aomine: Don't be so slow baby

Himuro: i'm supposed to feel offended by what pretty-boy-no-swag said but i'm a bit distracted

Himuro: Anyone else get what i'm sayin'?

Momoi: Right where u are Himurin

Midorima: I think i understand too

Takao: this is getting cancerous by the moment

Kuroko: i agree, takao-kun

Aomine: Hm? What happened?

Kagami: i-im..i c-can't believe you a-aho!

Aomine:what i'd do?

Murasakibara: minechin is an idiot

Aomine:what?why?

Akashi: I personally think that you don't need to do something to be an idiot, Daiki

Aomine:huh?even you akashi?

Akashi: Taiga

Kagami:fuckHESAIDMYNAME-YES SIR

Akashi: Tell your lover what he did wrong.

Kagami:i-i have to?

Akashi:My orders are absolute.

Takao:Do it bitch

Himuro: Weak

Kagami:anYWAYS

Kagami:A-aho..you

Aomine:ya?

Kagami:you c-called me..

Aomine:hmm

Kagami:b-baby

Aomine:HUHHHHH???

Aomine:NO I DIDNT

Midorima:Yes, yes you did

Aomine:NO

Kise: Aominecchi, you did.

Aomine: KISE YOU TOO?

Murasakibara:minechin is all lovey dovey with kagachin

Himuro:fuck all y'all look at my giagantic baby

Akashi:...

Himuro:Not the time huh?

Himuro:..okay

Aomine: DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT I DIDN'T DO SHIT

Takao: lol you did

Aomine: I DIDDMDYJSHD

Momoi: You did, Dai-chan

Aomine:NO

Kuroko:YES

Aomine:NO

Furihata:y-yes

Akashi:Tell him, honey

Furihata:s-sei

Aomine:NO

Akashi:Yes.

Aomine:ihaua I-

Akashi: Were you going to disagree with me, Daiki?

Aomine:I

Aomine:UAHHBYE

\----Aomine--left the chatroom----

Kagami:Don't leave me here flustered a-aho!

\----Kagami--left the cahtroom----

Akashi: Damn, right

Takao: Is this dude the japanese Mr.Gray or somethin'?

Himuro: ohohoho

Himuro: Oh, I'm sure SomE0ne here ould enjoy that (￣▽￣*)ゞ

Momoi: Fufu i agree Himurin(⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄)

Kise:Kaomojis?!?!I'm in!(ノ*°▽°*)

Takao:Am i the only one without kaomojis?

Momoi:You have to join in!

Takao:..fine

Kise:For the Kaoji squad!!!

Takao:(o´ω`o)ﾉ

Himuro:YEAHH

Midorima: I just disowned you

Takao:wWAIT SHINCHAN NO

Himuro: This just in

Kuroko: Today on balllovers news

Himuro: Broccoli bitch disowns his sassy skinny penis boy toy

Kuroko:nice

Takao:noOO0oNonO

Midorima: Bye, losers

\----Midorima--left the chatroom----

Takao: You Aain't GOING NO WHERE I LOVE YOU

\----Takao--left the chatroom----

Himuro: What i was saying was that sOMEONE

Kuroko:sOMEOne

Himuro: Someone would enjoy Akashi-san being mr.gray..right?

Himuro:Fu~ri~ha~ta~~kun

Furihata:i-i

Himuro:Oya oya

Himuro:Oya oya oya

Furihata:y-you g-guys s-stop it

Kuroko:Nope

Himuro: yeah i'd rather tease you 

Akashi:Excuse me?

Akashi:No,no no

Akashi:Excuse you? ✂

Himuro: OH okaaybYE

\----Himuro--left the chatroom----

Murasakibara:murochin don go

\----Murasakibara--left the cahtroom----

Kise:H-hey Ak-akashi-cchi

Kise: Relax-suu

Momoi:I agree with Kise-kun!

Kise: No one here would threaten poor and adorable Furihatacchi!!!

Akashi:Really?

Momoi:Yep!I promise!

Kuroko:Did you just call him cute?Kise-kun?

Akashi: I just noticed.

Kise:A-Akashi-c-chi i-i di-didn't

Momoi:Akashi-kun f-forgive us

Kise:I-IMSORRY

Akashi: It's too late for you two to be sorry

Akashi:✂

Kise:AGAIUHOEUISD ID ONT WANNA DIE BEFORE MARRYING KASAMATSU-SENPAI

Momoi:IM LEAVING ANYTHING TO MY BABY RIKO SHE SGORGEOUSILOVEHER

Kuroko:*kasamatsu yelling*

Kise:KUROKOCCHI HELPE

Momoi:TETSUKUNSAVEME

Akashi:No one can help you now, Ryouta, Satsuki

Kise:ASHISK

Momoi:RIKOILOVEYOU-

\----Kise--Momoi--left the chatroom----

Furihata:U-um

Furihata:A-Akashi-k-kun

Akashi:Now, now Kouki, what did i say about formality when it comes to me?

Furihata:I-I'm s-sorry..S-Sei

 

Akashi:You have nothing to apologise for, my lovely Kouki

Furihata:S-sei// //

Akashi:That's it.I've had enough,

Akashi:Kouki?

Furihata:Y-yes?

Akashi:You're coming with me

Furihata:w-what?

Akashi:Look up

Furihata:A-A H-HELIC-COPTER SS-SEI?H-HOW

Akashi:I've come to get you

Furihata:O-OH S-SEI

Akashi:Yes?My love?

Furihata:...ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)

Akashi:OFF TO HONEYMOON

Furihata:A-AH S-SEI

\----Akashi--Furihata--left the chatroom----

Kuroko:GUYS  
Kuroko:IMSTILL HERE  
Kuroko:OK FUCK YOU GUYS IM DONE  
\----Kuroko--left the chatroom----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fufu thanks for reading!  
> Please tell me down in the comments which characters and which ships should get more moments !  
> (Or even suggestions)  
> Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Midorima problems

\----Takao--entered the chatroom----  
\----Himuro--entered the chatroom----  
\----Kise--entered the chatroom----

Himuro: Hey everyone!

Kise:Hello,minna( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

Takao: Ok please fuck off and help me

Kise:(；´д｀)ゞumm takao-cchi are you okay?

Himuro: this bitch again

Takao: Well fuck you pretty boy

Himuro:fuck you too

Takao:Understandable have a good day

Kise:U-um?〈(゜。゜)

Takao:anYWAY I NEED HELP WITH SHINCHAN

Himuro:OH HELL YEAH

Kise:Himurocchi this is our time to shine!!

Takao:what

Himuro:SUGAR

Kise:SPICE

Himuro:EVERYTHING BASKETBALL RELATED

Kise:RYOUTA KISE

Himuro:TATSUYA HIMURO

Kise:TOGETHER WE ARE

Himuro:PRETTY BOYS 

Kise:AND BEST WINGMEN YOU'LL EVER FIND

Takao:Not that i don't appreciate your enthusiasm but

Takao:fuck off

Himuro:This bitch again

Kise:Mean takaocchi-ssu!!!

Himuro:Jokes apart, i need some Atsushi advice too

Takao:Yep, and i'm pretty sure the only one who was with them in teiko was you!

Kise:B-but you could ask the other guys-ssu!// //

Takao:You're the only one online...

Himuro:Did this bitch just blush

Kise:HIMUROCCHI I LOVED YOU

\----Akashi--entered the chatroom----

Akashi:I was in Teiko too

\----Akashi--left the chatroom----

Himuro:why is he like this

Kise:Akashicchi(≧д≦ヾ)

Takao:baCK TO THE POINT OF ME AND TATSUYA GETTING TIRED OF OUR BF'S BULLSHIT

Himuro:that one cut deep

Takao:oh i know you like it deep tatsuya

Himuro:why

Takao:or should i say...muro-chin?

Himuro:juST BECAUSE YOU'RE SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN KINKSHAME ME

Takao:why not loverboy?

Himuro:yOU HAVE A CRUSH ON A VEGETABLE WITH GLASSES

Takao:wELL YOU LIKE A SWEET LOVING TODDLER TRAPPED IN A BODY WITH A HUGE DICK

Kise:o-oh he went there

Himuro:YOU'RE NOT THE MAN I MARRIED KAZUNARI

Takao:JUST SO YOU KNOW I'M TAKING THE KIDS WITH ME

Kise:OK FINE I'LL HELP YOU

Kise:MIDORIMACCHI ONCE ACCIDENTALLY CAME IN HIS PANTS

Takao:what

Himuro:oh my oh my sweeeeeet jeeesuuss

Takao:If i don't hear everything about this i will come to your house and fuck you

Himuro:AXFGHJKLSOIDUG

Kise:I-I was going to t-tell you an-anyways 

Takao:good.

Kise:A-anyways..It was a night after practise,and Akashicchi invited us to his mansion!

Takao:And~

Kise:Well,we were having a sleepover,and i'm guessing you know that oha asa updates itself twice a day right?

Takao:PLEASE GET ON WITH IT

Himuro:I wouldn't be surprised if you were getting off to this

Takao:sHUT UP MISS AMERICA 2K18

Himuro:FUCK OFF VEGGIE LOVER

Kise:aNYWAY

Kise:Midorimacchi practically begged Akashicchi to let him watch oha asa on Akashicchi huge tv!(●´ω｀●)ゞ

Takao:I wish i had Shin-chan's huge tv if you know what i mean (￣ω￣)

Himuro:no

Kise:I'll fucking stop saying this story you ungrateful thirsty bitch

Himuro:oh my fckscighkj

Takao:Easy there sunshine i'm kidding

Takao:A bit

Himuro:why

Kise:Anyways.....I suggested that we get a few shots..and well

Kise:Midorimacchi drunk a bit too much

Kise:So...um

Himuro:Ok listen here dickheads

Himuro:What Kise is FAILING to say is

Himuro:A really really drunk Midorima + oha asa in a huge tv = carrot juices 

Kise:Spot on Tatsucchi!!

Himuro:T-tatsuc-cchi..

Himuro:I don't think i've ever been this happy

Himuro:maybe even more than that one time i read a bee movie x shrek fanfic

Kise:Tatsucchi i'm glad you're happy about the nickname!!!(´꒳`∗)

Kise:OH NO I JUST READ THAT TATSUCCHI NO OH NO

Kise:TATSUCCHI THAT'S THE WRONG END

Himuro:Ha ha hafuck off

Himuro:Is hawk boy alive?

Takao:This is Midorima Shintarou speaking.Takao is um

Takao:Unavailable

Kise:Hello Midorimacchi!!(/^▽^)/

Himuro:I'm not even gonna comment on how gay kise is but

Himuro:I suggest you don't read the messages Midorima-san

Takao:Let's just say..

Takao:I already have

Kise:Oh

Himuro:OH

Kise:OOH

Himuro:yo he fuckin dead

//private chat: Midorima//Himuro//

Himuro:Hey Midorima-san

Midorima:Hello again Himuro

Midorima:May i ask the reason you invited me in this private chat

Himuro:Dude,i may not be your best friend

Himuro:But have you seen me on court?

Midorima:Yes,you are quite..creeptic

Midorima:Not following though

Himuro:I'm great aren't i?

Himuro:i mEAN

Himuro:Be honest with me and i'll make sure kazunari won't bother you for a while

Midorima:..

Himuro:Don't tsundere me bitch or i'll back out

Midorima:Fine-nodayo

Midorima:When i walked in i saw takao with a phone in one of his hands and the other..well

Midorima:In his pants..in his..private..parts

Himuro:.hA I CALLED DIBS

Himuro:*cough*

Himuro:So you..uhh?kicked him

Midorima:I am currrently..punishing him

Himuro:oh oH WOW OKAY KINKY BYE THANKS

Midorima:Don't forget our deal

//--both left chatroom--//

 

//original chatroom//  
Himuro:I'm back

Kise:TATSUCCHI I WAS WORRIED

Kise:WHAT HAPPENED?

Kise:IS TAKAOCCHI DEAD?

Kise:IS OUR BABY BOY OKAY?

Himuro:Not really remembering the whole having sex marriage then boom a takao pops up thing between us but

Himuro:Do you remember when i called takao a..vegeterian?

Kise:y-yes?

Himuro:Well,Do you know what they say about vegeterians..

Kise:uhh n-no?

Himuro:they're pretty used at eating..nuts 

Kise:...

Kise:....

Kise:;;;;;

\----Kise--left the chatroom----

Himuro:He left

Himuro:uh

Himuro:okay i'm still cracking up thinking about the amAziNG innuendo i made before lol

Himuro:I'm not egotistic..right?

Himuro:Nah dude i'm cool

Himuro:..

Himuro:WAIT A MINUTE WHAT ABOUT MY ATSUSHI ADVICE KISE YOU ASSBITCH

\----Himuro--left the chatroom----


	4. what the balls and references

\---Takao--entered the chatroom----

Takao: guYS I NEEDATELL YOU SOMETHIN

\----Kagami--Aomine--Akashi--Furihata--Midorima--Murasakibara--Himuro--Momoi--  
Kise--Kuroko--entered the chatroom----

Midorima: Grammar for god’s sake

Midorima: What idiotic reference are you gonna bring up now, Takao?

Kagami: im bored so why not

Aomine: OH SO YOU COMMIT TO THIS HELLHOLE BUT NOT TO ME HUH

Kuroko: I honestly.don’t.want.to.know.

Kagami:You don’t h-have to know

Kagami: Ahomine is being ahomine

Aomine:IM GONNA IGNORE THAT AND IM GONNA COMPLAIN

Momoi: If Dai-chan wants to complain, he can do it later

Kuroko: I agree with Momoi-san

Kuroko: If Aomine-kun wants attention, he can do it in the next chapter

Kuroko: This is a midotaka special

Takao: Did u you just

Himuro: break

Takao: the 4rth wall 

Himuro: again

Takao: i’D LET YOU BREAK ME ANYTIME TA-TSU-YA~

Himuro: oh kAZUNARI YOU TEASE

Furihata:U-um sorry to interrupt but…

Furihata: I think Takao-kun was t-troubled and I think we should h-help him

Akashi: I also agree with my lovely wife, all of you should shut up.

Himuro: Law and order shit ammiright?

Kagami: dude.

Himuro: dude.

Akashi:✂

Kagami:jESUS CHRIST SORRY

Himuro:EXORCIZAMUS TE, OMNIS IMMUNDUS SPIRITUS

Akashi: Kazunari.Tell us about your problems.

Kise: Is this about today’s... event...Takao-cchi?( ˙꒳˙ )

Takao:OH yes. yes, it is(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

Takao: sO TODAY

Takao: ME AND SHINCHAN WERE EATING TOGETHER

Midorima: I would greatly appreaciate it, if you didn’t share our personal information, Takao.

Kuroko: Oh, guess what Midorima-kun?You’re not gonna enjoy this at all.

Midorima: What

Kise: M-Midorima-cchi

Takao: sO EVERYTHING WAS NORMAL, WE WERE FLIRTING AND THEN

Kuroko: Thirsty bitch

Takao:WOW

Takao: AND THEN THIS GIRL COMES UP TO SHINCHAN

Takao: HOLDING UP

Kagami: yes?

Takao: A

Himuro: the suspense yo

Takao: A LOVE LETTER!

Himuro: NO.

Takao: YES,

Takao: AND SHE WAS BLUSHING AND SHE ASKED SHINCHAN TO COME WITH HER

Kuroko: And let me guess, you followed them like a creepy uncle?

Takao: i,,

Takao: i did in the non creepy way

Himuro: ok hisoka

Takao: fUCK OFF IZAYA

Himuro: FIGHT ME AYANO AISHI

Kagami: What did i say about the references, bro?

Himuro: “Another reference? You must be a hardcore loser?”

Kagami:..

Kagami: RESPONDING TO REFERENCES WITH REFERENCES THATS MY ONIICHAN

Kagami:w-wait tatsuya i f-forgot

Himuro: Taiga

Kuroko: what is happening

Kagami: fUCK sO Uh h TaTSUY a has A BigBROther KInk

Murasakibara: Ehh?What is that?

Akashi:...

Kuroko:...

Kise:...

Aomine: lol naive

Himuro: A-atsushi

Himuro: Just forget about it.

Murasakibara: Uhh??

Kuroko: We’ll talk about this in the next chapter

Himuro: StOP breaking the fourth wall

Kuroko: Okay

Kuroko: Onii-chan

Himuro: AKLEUIHDJ

\--Himuro--left the chatroom--

Murasakibara: murOCHIN EXPLAIN

\--Murasakibara--left the chatroom--

Takao: ,, thanks 

Takao: SO THE GIRL TRIES TO CONFESS 

Takao: AND SHE SAYS 

Takao: ”I’ve been meaning to tell you this, but i have a lot of insecurities and doubts”

Takao: AND SHINCHAN

Takao: INSTEAD OF COMFORTING HER HE SAYS

Takao: ”Oh, well you should ask your parents and friends for advice regarding that subject”

Kuroko: oh my god

Kise: How dense are you Midorima-cchi? (─‿‿─)♡

Akashi:...

Momoi: ..

Momoi: Ki-chan…

Kise: Yes momo-cchi?

Momoi: oh mygod

\--Momoi--left the chatroom--

Kagami: Dense Ryouta sounds good

Aomine: Lol Kise's stupid

Kagami: You’re one to talk

Kuroko: Back to the point, Midorima-kun is awful.

Midorima: Kuroko!

Midorima: Wait...Takao, you previously said that she..confessed?

Takao: AHAHH YOU GOT THAT NOW?

Midorima: She had f-feelings for me

Takao: EMPHASIS ON THE HAD AHSAGHDA

Takao: YOU JUST NOTICED AHSUJAS

Midorima: I was kidding before, it was a joke. I did know.

Midorima: I just didn’t know how to reject her.

Takao: You were gonna..reject her?

Takao: I thought you l-liked her..

Kuroko: Minna, i sugest we all leave.

Akashi: I agree.

Kagami: uhh why

Aomine: Because Carrot and eagle are gonna fuck, taiga

Kagami: waIT WHAT

Kuroko: First name basis...nice

Kuroko: Anyways, don’t forget the condoms

\--Kuroko--left the chatroom--

Kagami: WHAT THE ACTUAL

Aomine: balls

\--Aomine--Kagami--left the chatroom--

Akashi: I suppose it is time to take our leave too, Kouki?

Furihata: Y-yes it is S-sei

\--Akashi--Furihata--left the chatroom--

Takao: I thought you...wanted to go out with her…

Takao: I’m relieved…

Takao: I MEAN

Midorima: Did you..want me to go out with her?

Takao: N-no i’m actually really happy that you said no..

Midorima: Takao..I

Takao: Shin-chan!

Midorima: Kazunari..

Takao: Shin-chan!!

Midorima: Don’t just stare at me across the room

Midorima: I might not be able to control myself

Midorima: The sight of you..blushing is simply too much

Takao: Shin-chan!Come here, you heartless bastard!

\--Midorima--Takao--left the chatroom--

 

Kise:..

Kise: um

Kise: I’m still here-ssu!!

\--Kise--left the chatroom--


	5. Side chapter: The ukes are edgy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is kinda small, so imma call it a side story  
> hope you like it y'all °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

\--Himuro--Takao--Kise--Kuroko--Furihata--

Kise: Hello minna ⊂((・▽・))⊃

Kuroko: Hello bitches

Kise: Kuroko-cchi?

Furihata: K-Kuroko-k-kun?

Takao: Nah, dudes he’s fine

Himuro: Yeah, chill out

Kise: Okie dokie~ i guess

Himuro: Anyways, what’s up?

Takao: The fucking sky Tatsuya.

Himuro: I hate you so much

Takao: Don’t be like that Tatsu-chan, we both know you want it~

Himuro: Oh Kazu-sama you’re making all hot and flustered again~

Kuroko: lol

Furihata: Um w-what is happening?

Kuroko: Nothing too original, we’re just being gay and sharing cancerous memes

Furihata: W-What?

Himuro: Oh, ignore them

Himuro: Whenever you get too confused, come to me

Himuro: I’m the only serious one here, darling.

Kise: I’m serious ≡(*′▽`)っ

Takao: …

Himuro: …

Kuroko: yeah imma go with no

Kise: KUROKO-CCHI!!! (　ﾟДﾟ)＜!!

Kuroko: What’s up bitch?

Kise:kURokochcHI

 

Furihata:!!H-Himuro-san!!!

Himuro: What is it baby?

Takao: Don’t cheat on me i’ll stab you

Himuro: Can you even reach my face?

Takao: ..

 

Takao: I can

Himuro: OH WeLl cAN Y0U ReacH M y Bf’s FaCe bITCh

Takao: OH SHUT THE F UP YOU CANT EVEN REACH HIS DICK

Kuroko: lol

Furihata: H-Himuro-san

Himuro: FUCK Y’ALL

Himuro: Yes, honey

Furihata: U-um you’re making m-me uncomfortable

Himuro: Why baby?

 

Takao: Yes, why boo?

 

\--Akashi--entered the chatroom--

Akashi: All of you, stop or there will be consequences

Akashi: Kouki, come with me 

Furihata: O-Ok S-Sei

\--Akashi--Furihata--left the chatroom--

Takao: ????

Himuro: ,,f-fuck,,uuuuuuuuu

Kise: （ΟΔΟ；；）what does that mean??

Kuroko: I don’t think we wanna know…

Himuro: 10 dollars they fucked

Takao: This is japan you baka

Himuro: Fuck right off dickbitch weaboo

Takao: You think you’re real smart just because you have the best ass in the group huh?

Himuro: AT LEAST I GET DICK

Himuro: AND GET WHAT? IT’S HUGE

Himuro: W-Wait

\--Takao--left the chatroom--

 

Kuroko: That was a low blow man

Kise: H-Himuro-cchi

Himuro: I’m sorry,,, i’ll go atone for my sins now

Kuroko: By sucking dick?

Himuro: i hate you

\--Himuro--left the chatroom--

Kise: You made,, him leave

Kuroko: Yeah, yeah i did

Kise:...

Kuroko: …

Kise: I’m gonna go suck dick now

Kuroko: Understandable have a nice suck

Kuroko: - day

\--Kise--left the chatroom--

Kuroko: ok i guess

Kuroko: Bye

Kuroko: ??


	6. wtf murasakibara-kun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shield offff aegissss hardnessss sadnessss :(((

\--Himuro--entered the chatroom--

Himuro: JKSJKAJDKHSJDKJD  
Himuro: GUYSPLESEHELPIMKOG  
Himuro: ATSUHISAREYOUTHEREOAMDAH  
Himuro: FUCKAKDKJAK

\--Kuroko--Kagami--Aomine--Midorima--Takao--Akashi--Furihata--Kise--entered the chatroom--

Aomine: what th fuck prettyboy  
Kuroko: I’m here, what’s up Himuro-san?  
Takao: THE SKY BWAHSGD  
Midorima: Oh for god’s sake…  
Takao: SHIN-CHAN1!!!1!!!!!11  
Kise: EHHH?Aomine-cchi?I thought i was the pretty boy????o(TヘTo)\  
Kagami: AHOMINE AREN’T I YOUR BOYFRIEND?WERE YOU CALLING KISE PRETTY?  
Aomine: babe-  
Kagami: SHUT UP AHO   
Aomine: Come on Taiga, you know i love you  
Kagami: D-Daiki  
Himuro: I DONT;TEHASBHAK  
Himuro: I DONT HAVE THE FUCKNTIME TO DELAWITHYURSHIT  
Akashi: Yo chill  
Kuroko: did akashi-kun just  
Himuro: ohmYGODSHUT UO ATSUSHIAS  
Kagami: Right!Right, Tatsuya!What’s happening dude?  
Himuro:I I’M-  
Kagami: Relax…  
Himuro: OK OK Ok ok…  
Kagami: There we go, now explain to me what happened?  
Aomine: yeah what the fuck this fuss all bout?  
Himuro: Last night, me and Atsushi had a fight so i decided to make him something  
Kuroko: Sounds like the start for a Murahimu dj  
Himuro: …  
Kuroko: Continue  
Himuro: But then I realised that I had accidentally bought non-edible glue for the sweets.  
Kagami: oh…  
Kagami: OH FUCK  
Akashi; No swearing in front of Kouki.  
Furihata: S-Sei…  
Aomine: ehh so what. You bought glue like a damnass  
Midorima: THAT’S NOT HOW YOU SPELL DUMBASS YOU DUMBASS  
Takao: hehehe shin-chan is such a dom~  
Kise: What happened then, Himuro-cchi????(*°ｰ°)  
Himuro: I went to buy some, and when i came back the bottle of glue was gone,,,  
Midorima: And since you and Murasakibara are living together, i’m guessing you think that…  
Midorima: Murasakibara was sad and decided to visit the kitchen to eat something  
Midorima: And then saw your preparations and...  
Takao: HE ATE THE GLUE???  
Akashi: Is that true, Himuro-san?  
Himuro: Most likely,,,  
Himuro: It’s possible. Atsushi is willing to eat anything in the kitchen.  
Himuro: Especially if he’s mad, or...sulking.  
Himuro: Btw did he contact any of you guys?  
Himuro: What’s the last time you talked to him?  
Aomine: nah dude  
Kagami: Not me,,  
Midorima: No,i’m sorry Himuro-san.  
Akashi: If we do we’ll tell you.  
Furihata: As soon a-as we find o-out!!  
Kise: Sorry Himuro-cchi｡･ﾟﾟ*(>д<)*ﾟﾟ･｡  
Himuro: I see…  
Himuro: You guys were kinda my last hope, since  
Himuro: Since we fought, i expected him to turn to you guys  
Himuro: But i guess not…  
Himuro: I’m worrying a lot about him.  
Himuro: What if he’s somewhere alone?  
HImuro: It’s practically freezing in Akita  
Himuro: What if he’s too stubborn to come home?  
Himuro: What if he’s in pain?  
Himuro: Atsushi!  
HImuro: If you’re reading this,I’m-  
Himuro:I’m sorry, I’m really sorry!  
Himuro: I…  
Himuro: this is all my fault isn’t it?  
Himuro: fuck   
Kagami: Tatsuya  
Kagami: Hey tatsuya!?  
Himuro: I shouldn’t have been so insensitive.  
Himuro: atsushi.

\--Himuro--left the chatroom--

Kagami: God damnit tatsuya  
Kuroko: Himuro-san is quite harsh on himself isn’t he?  
Kagami: Tatsuya was always the one taking responsibility, even we were kids  
Kise: Poor Himuro-cchi!!!(╥_╥)  
Aomine: jeez  
Midorima: And the thing is that he’s probably worrying about nothing.  
Takao: Huh?  
Midorima: Murasakibara only eats things that taste sweet.  
Kuroko: And glue does not, I’ll tell you that.  
Takao: what  
Kagami: You’re right midorima  
Takao: are we not gonna ask kuroko about the whole tastin glue thing??  
Furihata: Then that m-means that M-Murasakibara-san is okay?  
Midorima: Murasakibara probably smelled it, and threw it somewhere in disgust.  
Kise: Probably…  
Takao: really,,you’re ignoring me,,how new  
Kuroko: That’s for another chapter, Takao-kun.  
Takao: oh okay,,chAPTRE??  
Midorima: All we can do now, is wait.  
Aomine: s true  
Kagami: I guess,,  
Kise: If Murasakibara-cchi texts me i’ll tell you kagami-cchi,so you can tell Himuro-cchi!  
Midorima: Me too.  
Takao: Me three!!  
Aomine: i guess i’ll try  
Furihata: I’ll tell you K-Kagami-san!  
Kuroko: You got it Kagami-kun.  
Kagami: Thanks guys  
Kagami: Means a lot

\--Kagami--left the chatroom--

Aomine: bakagami  
Aomine: are ya okay?  
Aomine: taiga  
Aomine: fine fine

\--Aomine--left the chatroom--

Kise: Ooof  
Takao: Ooof doubled,,  
Midorima: Takao, we have to go.  
Midorima: Best of luck to you guys.  
Takao: was that a pun shinchan?  
Midorima: Goodbye.

\--Midorima--Takao--left the chatroom--

Kise: I also have to go, you know beauty sleep and all…  
Kuroko: oh god diva  
Kuroko: Well anyways, goodnight everybody.

\--Kise--Kuroko--left the chatroom--  
Furihata: I hope everything t-turns out okay for Himuro-san and Murasakibara-san!!  
Akashi: I’m sure it will, angel eyes.  
Furihata: G-Good night, S-sei ❤︎   
Akashi: Good night, Kouki.

\--Furihata--left the chatroom--

Akashi:...  
Akashi: So, what do you think   
Akashi: ...Atsushi?  
Akashi: Was this...test enough?  
Akashi: Didn’t you ‘torment’ poor Himuro-san enough?

\--Murasakibara--entered the chatroom--

Akashi: Hmm? Not answering?  
Akashi: My, my do you enjoy Himuro-san’s suffering?  
Murasakibara: of course i don’t akachin  
Akashi: Yes yes.  
Akashi: Make sure to apologise properly, Atsushi.  
Murasakibara: shut up akachin  
Murasakibara: ...i will

\--Akashi--left the chatroom--

Murasakibara: murochin…

\--Murasakibara--left the chatroom--


	7. how did i get here kagami-kun help

\--Kuroko--Akashi--Kise--Furihata--Himuro--Kagami--Midorima--Takao--Murasakibara--Aomine--entered the chatroom--

Kuroko: Hello everyone  
Kagami: ooff   
Kagami: thank god he’s not drunk or high  
Aomine: Or possessed   
Himuro: Excuse me, Taiga?  
Himuro: Your boyfriend is confusing Akashi with Kuroko  
Akashi: What are you implying…  
Akashi: Tatsuya?  
Kise: yOOOO  
Takao: HOLy fiNGerlicKING fIngERS  
Himuro: How doesjksd hr  
Himuro: KNow my nameeqla;dal  
Murasakibara: murochin?  
Himuro: What is it Honey-bun?  
Takao: SWitch FliPped  
Himuro: Pants down ;))))))  
Kuroko: BISCUITS  
Kise: ….  
Furihata: U-Um?  
Takao: ????????  
Aomine: Tetsu no  
Kagami: no nOT AGAIN  
Midorima: Kuroko? Are you okay?  
Kuroko: Biscuits.  
Furihata:?  
Kuroko: bIsCuItS  
Furihata: ??  
Kuroko: B I S C U I T S  
Furihata: ??? ^^” K-Kuroko-kun  
Kuroko: BBIISSCCUUUIITTSS  
Furihata: KUROKO-KUN I’M S-SCARED  
Kuroko: … B i SCU i T s  
Akashi: How dare you?  
Takao: huhhh?  
Midorima: Takao, d-don’t  
Himuro: I-I’m  
Kise: Kuroko-cchi save yourself  
Akashi: Tetsuya, Did you just..  
Kuroko: BISCU-what is it akashi-kun?  
Akashi: Did you just scare my wife?  
Kuroko: ffYCK  
Furihata: S-Sei  
Akashi: Tetsuya  
Kuroko: m-mom help  
Furihata: S-Sei…  
Akashi: Kouki…  
Aomine: Aomine…  
Kagami: please just stop  
Aomine: That’s not what you were screaming last night ;)

\--Himuro--changed--Kagami--’s--name--to--Bottom--

Bottom: TATSYSYASIJIALJ  
Aomine: lol your bro’s cool  
Kuroko: That’s what you were sarcastically saying while thrusting into Kagami-kun’s ass last night  
Himuro: Di d hej ust  
Takao: oh my gah  
Himuro: Aomine-san?  
Aomine: I-I,,how did you,,???  
Aomine: K-Kagami?  
Bottom: Right where you are b-baka  
Aomine: I-I’m  
Himuro: F  
Takao: L  
Himuro: U  
Takao: S  
Himuro: T  
Takao: E  
Himuro: Ok the meme’s dead already Kazunari  
Takao: fine, tatsu-tan but the thing is  
Takao: Aomine’s gay

\--Aomine--left--the--chatroom--

Kuroko: he’s also dead  
Bottom: N-Now that that asshole’s out of the way  
Kuroko: yes, kagami-kun we shall have a threesome  
Bottom: fuckoff

\--Bottom--left--the--chatroom--

Kise: Aomine-cchi machine broke  
Kuroko: Just like you broke Kasamatsu-senpai’s ass after practice?  
Kise: you little shit  
Himuro: switch flipped  
Takao: pants down?  
Himuro: 🤔  
Takao: 🤔🤔  
Himuro: Don’t copy me you little shit  
Takao: Shad up you just cunt, you can just be leady to loss  
Himuro: …  
Akashi: ✂  
Furihata: S-sei.  
Akashi: Fine, fine  
Furihata: \ ( ό ω ό ) /❤  
Akashi: Bollocks. I can’t control myself.

\--Akashi--left the chatroom--

Furihata: S-sei don’t leave me alone

\--Furihata--was carried to the bedroom--by--Akashi--

Himuro: how the DICK DID HE   
Kuroko: it seems as if akashi-kun is pretty good at 4rth wall breaking  
Kuroko: Right? Reader-san? :)  
Takao: wHAT THAT ACTUAL SHITAKE WAFFLES  
Kise: Who’s Kuroko-cchi talking to? ^^  
Kuroko: Your mom

\--Kise--left the chatroom--

Midorima: It’s just us now  
Takao: yep,just the two of us  
Takao: Shin-chan~  
Himuro: jUSt thE twO Of US   
Kuroko: yEAhhhh!!!1!!1  
Himuro: thanks for joining in tetsu!  
Kuroko: no prob tatsu. ^^  
Takao: FRiENShIP!!!1  
Himuro: no, that’s a teiko joke.  
Himuro: teiko jokes are also,,d e a d  
Kuroko: just like the kiseki no sedai’s friendship :)  
Takao: o-ow!  
Himuro: an f in the chat  
Takao: F  
Himuro: ew no one actually does that,kazu  
Himuro: stop with the outdated memes.  
Midorima: …  
Takao: hey!!i know memes!!  
Takao: look!!  
Takao: playing basketball, like a boss!!!!!!!  
Midorima: …  
Himuro: oh my god.  
Kuroko: losing the shuutoku vs rakuzan match, like a boss :)  
Himuro: oh  
Himuro: j e s u s;;;  
Kuroko: :)  
Himuro: o m i n o u s  
Takao: aargh,,,ouch  
Takao: why would you SniFf sAY tHAT KurOKo???/??  
Midorima: ……  
Kuroko: you’re totally over it right?  
Takao: well yeah, i have shin-chan!!  
Takao: (also therapy helps-)  
Himuro: nehehe  
Midorima: …………  
Kuroko: triple doting, like a boss  
Himuro: hahah stop  
Midorima: YOU PEOPLE ARE SO ANNOYING.DO YOU EVER STOP TALKING?  
Midorima: I swear to Akashi, I can’t have a moment of peace with my Takao, can I?  
Kuroko: lol nope-WAIT  
Kuroko: holy moly kagami-kun’s buns what  
Himuro: CHoTTO MaTTE??/????  
Midorima: Yes?  
Himuro: SJKDAJ NO TSUNDERENESS?????  
Kuroko: whattatattata   
Takao: hmm? what happened?did shin-chan say something weird again?  
Himuro: ReaLLY?REaLLy??  
Takao: w-what??  
Kuroko: www   
Himuro: bitch check the messages  
Takao: k bitch  
Himuro: don’t call me a bitch,bitch  
Takao: k  
Himuro: SJKAD  
Kuroko: lol dw takao-kun’s gonna die soon  
Himuro: huh?  
Himuro: oh hehe  
Himuro: Takao-kun?~  
Takao: y-yes?  
Himuro: oh  
Kuroko: oh  
Midorima: I think what himuro-san is failing to do is to tease you.  
MIdorima: I would advise you ignore his idiotic antics,kazunari.  
Takao: O-ok  
Midorima: Hmm?~  
Takao: S-shin-chan 

\--Midorima--Takao--left the chatroom--

Himuro: JDAKD MKAY I GUESS??  
Kuroko: just fuck already  
Himuro: lol they cute  
Murasakibara: thats gay  
Kuroko: oh my god  
Murasakibara: what is it kurochin  
Kuroko: JISJFD???  
Murasakibara: murochin i don understand  
Himuro: di d yoau jsuta??calla tehja gya??/  
Kuroko: hey guys i’m gya. i’ve been in the closet for so long and-  
Himuro: GFFycKKk offF  
Murasakibara: murochin daijobu?  
Himuro: yeah;;just;;great  
Murasakibara: murochin?  
Himuro: yes, atsushi?  
Murasakibara: are we gay as well?  
Himuro: DAJDKHSUIHJKNJ

\--Himuro--left the chatroom--

Kuroko: lol  
Kuroko: gay  
Kuroko: i mean  
Kuroko: gya   
Kuroko: murasakibara-kun why are you still here?  
Murasakibara: i don knwi how  
Murasakibara: muroc hin usaully help em adn stuff  
Murasakibara: but hes jyst sitting next to me  
Kuroko: just how stupid are you people?  
Murasakibara: found it bye

\--Murasakibara--left the chatroom--

 

Kuroko: oh my god

\--Kuroko--left the chatroom--

\--Akashi--entered the chatroom--

Akashi: Kouki is also gay.

\--Akashi-- left the chatroom--


End file.
